A chicken burger is not a thing - stop the madness on National Hamburger Day!

Happy National Hamburger Day! It’s a sacred day, a time to honor that perfect combination of grilled ground beef, melted cheese, and a pillowy bun. It’s a day for patties, not politics; for condiments, not controversy. Or so I thought, until I saw a study that made me question the very fabric of our society and everything I hold dear!

Apparently, the folks over at DoorDash, in their infinite wisdom, crunched some numbers and declared that the “chicken burger” has dethroned the mighty beef hamburger as our nation’s favorite. Rounding out this list of heresy are the cheeseburger, veggie burger, and the turkey burger.

I’m sorry, but what in the ever-loving h-e-double-hockey-sticks is a “chicken burger”? Do you mean a chicken sandwich? You know, a piece of chicken, breaded or grilled, served on a bun? Since when did we start calling that a “burger”? A burger is made from ground meat, preferably beef, formed into a patty. This is not a difficult concept. And don’t even get me started on the “veggie burger” nearly taking the #2 spot. It’s a noble effort, but on National Hamburger Day, it’s like bringing a knife to a gunfight. This whole study feels like a culinary gaslighting campaign.

Thankfully, while DoorDash is busy rewriting the definition of a burger, real American heroes like Wendy’s, Burger King, and Smashburger are out here doing the lord’s work. To celebrate this hallowed day, many chains are offering killer deals. As reported by USA Today and others, Wendy’s is practically giving away Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers for one single penny with any purchase in their app. Burger King is offering a free hamburger with a 70-cent purchase for their rewards members. So, there is still good in the world.

Celebrate National Hamburger Day the right way. Go out, get yourself a real, honest-to-goodness ground beef hamburger or cheeseburger. Take advantage of these glorious deals. And if someone offers you a “chicken burger,” just politely tell them to fetch you a Big Mac, with a Whopper and Baconator on the side!